We all have the natural instinct, an innate ability to blow up things out of proportion. It takes a special kind of strength to stop yourself from doing that.
We all face situations that break us, either brick-by-brick or altogether. To get out of that broken relationship, get out of that soul-sucking job, get out of any situation that makes you doubt your self-worth, it takes courage. But how do we get that courage flowing through our veins?
Feeling unloved, feeling like a disappointment, feeling the world’s weight over your shoulders is normal only if you make it so. Where do I go? Who do I talk to? Nobody understands me. The answers to it lie within.
Wanting to be nowhere-
Staying by yourself can be upsetting as well as empowering. Gathering the courage to face challenges happens best when alone. Nobody can make you feel as good as you yourself. Switching off is important. Hiding is necessary.
Being vulnerable by yourself makes you stronger.
Nothing is always the same-
You can’t indulge in the same things the same way as you did in the past. You shouldn’t. And you should be okay if things, people, points of view change over time. Staying in the past is only going to cause you hurt.
Having someone to talk to-
Finding solace among friends is misconstrued. If you want to have someone to talk to, talk about your fears, your insecurities, your doubts, look no further than yourself.
Nobody understands you more than yourself. Depending on someone isn’t the worst thing to do. However, looking at their purview of you and allowing them unintentional control of your life is not advisable. Friends can help, of course. But they have their own thoughts to dwell upon. Don’t expect them to give you more importance than they give themselves.
Speaking of expecting…
A common recipe for disaster is making up elaborate fantasies in your head and expecting them to unfold. A large chunk of problems that we stress on exist solely in our heads. What if my friends secretly hate me? What if I don’t get a job that makes me happy? What if my partner doubts my loyalty? What if there’s a nuclear war tomorrow and none of these concerns matter?
The last question is something to dwell upon. If nothing exists tomorrow. Would you be happy knowing that all your stress has been in vain? Would you be happy with the last conversation you had with a loved one? The time spent imagining scenarios and sulking can be re-purposed to living a fuller life.
Repetition is futile-
“The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results.”
Albert Einstein is broadly credited with this quote. And even in the chance that he never said this, it doesn’t steal away any value from the statement. When an approach is failing, change the approach, not the intention. If neither approach works, you’re probably expecting something unrealistic. Accept that. Adapt and try something else. But know when to stop trying.
Don’t expect from others what you can’t expect from yourself. We all want to be loved, cared for, treated like royalty, all out of affection and not out of fear or pity. That’s a bit too much to ask of someone. And not asking but expecting the same is even worse.
Learn to treat yourself better and the world around you will have to respect that. If you beat yourself up, blame or doubt yourself, what stops someone else from treating you the same? When you operate in constant guilt, you open yourself up to a world of hurt. When someone mistreats you, you don’t feel like correcting them. You don’t feel like taking a stand, because you don’t believe you’re worth respecting. That’s a slippery slope. Being adamant and self-righteous aren’t the worst traits to have if instilled for the right reasons. If you eliminate the superiority complex that comes along with these traits, it can help you grow your confidence. Remember, don’t look down upon anyone, especially yourself.
Learn to take control of the situation by reminding yourself of what has happened. That’s not too difficult, right? It’s pretty much impossible to stop think about it anyway. But don’t stop there, remind yourself that it is done. Implications may still follow, but the enormity has happened. You have survived the tough bit, now it’s time to start repairing. Stop saying that you can’t, start saying that you don’t.
Be in control of the situation by stripping power from it. The situation doesn’t control you. You control your actions. You feel what you want to feel. Learn to trust yourself. And remember, you got this.