I’m sure i’m not the only one who goes through this apprehension.
I wonder if you’ve ever felt a rush of optimism and opportunisticism go through your mind and body. Giving you the feeling that you can achieve anything you strive to. You’re gonna get off your butt and take that crucial step to solve all your problems. You have, haven’t you?
Only you get that rush at 2:30am, where it’s sort of pointless. Unless you work in graveyard shifts. You convince yourself to sleep, but you can’t because you’re so motivated to get things done. And finally when you do sleep, the next morning you wake up like a bulldog with amnesia. Angry, confused, feeling shitty and don’t remember exactly why.
How about that rush of adrenaline that pumps through you after you return from your morning run.
Yes, not during, but after. You feel crappy, old and tired while you run. You almost cry while getting out of bed before you run. But after? Oh you are pumped and bursting with energy. But all that energy is to be channelised in moving forward with your day, commuting in traffic, trying to remain optimistic and watching all of it go out of the window.
Or how about that rush of blood, the anger that makes you feel strong, confident, powerful! Where all the answers to your peers are right at the tip of your tongue. The only thing that can stop you and does is the fact that they asked you those questions almost a month ago, or if you’re a sharper thinker then maybe a week back, to which you had responded with stutters and guilty silence.
The one I’ve gone through recently, the rush of emotions, derived from being a loner. You distance yourself from everyone to the extent that they learn to live life without you. And when you see that there’s no room for you in their lives anymore, you miss it and feel wronged. Only to later realise that it was you who had started it, and now the end was only here. You feel helpless, alone and angry on them as well as yourselves. Why couldn’t they try harder? Why didn’t I reach out? Oh the questions be bombarding!
Only if you realised this at the right time you would’ve done something to stop it. But now the time has passed, the moment is gone, and the bond you once shared, is no more.
So what can you do about it, how do you deal with it? Do you try to forget it and move on, or hope that the next rush has a better timing.
In case you’re wondering what I do to ease the rush… Well, you guessed it. I write about it.